What a ‘Mare
How the European Super League Became Football’s Biggest Balls-up.
What a shameful ‘mare it’s been for European football over the last few weeks. Have you been playing keepy up with it all?
First, the biggest clubs on the continent voluntarily flounced out of their domestic leagues, and into a new European ‘Super League’. Then, less than 48-hours later, after a shitstorm of rage and criticism, they dribbled back in again. Now the Super League’s all turned to ashes, there’s egg on everyone’s face, and everyone’s passing the buck (and ball) between them.
In out. In out. Like a nightmarish hokey cokey. Here, we ask ‘what on earth’s it all about?’
Right. What the hell is an ESL?
Discussions about a European Super League (ESL) have been going on for some time — with the concept being pitched as ‘the future of football’, bringing together some of the top teams from Spain, Italy, and the UK.
The general consensus has been that if this is what the future of football looks like, football has a very bleak future indeed; though it’s also generally been acknowledged that club owners and TV companies would pocket fat, greasy profits from the arrangement — which is nice, and not at all the driving force behind the project. Not. At. All.
Talk us through recent events — we want the gory details
At the beginning of May, rumours and reports began to circulate that an announcement about the ESL was imminent, though nothing official surfaced until Real Madrid President and proposed Super League chairman, Florentino Perez, gave an interview with Spanish media in the MIDDLE OF THE BLOODY NIGHT.
At a moment when fans needed clarity, after several days of wild rumours and hearsay about how their teams would be involved in plans for the league — if at all — all Perez’ statement did was let them know ‘this isn’t about you, and we don’t care whether you miss the biggest news in your team’s history or not. Nyah Nyah’.
The announcement also failed to explain how the league would support smaller clubs in crisis after the COVID-19 pandemic, made no mention of football’s myriad of problems nor any advice on how to solve them, and failed to criticise UEFA’s catalogue of historic and recent ‘mares — brushing it all under the astroturf.
No public figures, sporting or otherwise, got behind the project — leading many to believe that not one, solitary influential supporter could be found who backed the deal. And not only were the fans the last to know — it seems that players, managers, and even governments weren’t in on the act.
What a mare.
So what went so bloody wrong?
Many believe the ESL was a doomed idea from the start, as its structure was pockmarked with errors.
Firstly, in what was supposed to be a league that brought together the cream of European football, even your Mom was left baffled as to why teams like Bayern Munich were omitted, and calamitous British mobs like Arsenal and Tottenham were included (as one wise Twitter user pointed out, ‘Putting Tottenham in a European Super League is a bit like putting Banana Man in the Avengers).
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>Tottenham joining a European super league is like Bananaman getting called up as an Avenger</p>— Kai Humphries (@kaihumphries) <a href=”https://twitter.com/kaihumphries/status/1383874994690609154?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">April 18, 2021</a></blockquote> <script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset=”utf-8"></script>
Secondly, the greedy owners who concocted this cataclysmic disaster managed to alienate and anger the ENTIRE sport, from the premier league to UEFA and FIFA, from die-hard fans to your Mom (again). What may just have been lack of foresight came across as pig-headed obstinacy and mind-blowing arrogance. Everyone else could see the objections coming a mile off. Are they really so out of touch? (Spoiler. Yes).
It would have helped enormously if someone had bothered to sit us down to explain the thinking behind the disaster. Instead, club owners, led by football’s least popular figure, Ed Woodward, created a bad feeling by failing to inform players, managers, the government, fans, and your Mom (again) before the league was officially launched.
When FIFA are offended, an organisation so corrupt it’s given the World Cup to a country with no recognised football league, in a climate far too hot to play in, with a phalanx of slave labourers building the required stadiums, you know something is badly amiss — amIrite?
The whole thing has been a slow motion, live action car crash that we’ve desperately wanted to unsee, yet haven’t been able to tear our eyes away from. Yes. That bad.
Ee, we’re gripped. What the bejesus happened next?
Well, since you ask… Footie fans across Europe found the idea revolting, and roundly revolted, led by Everyman Gary Neville, Chief Spokesperson for the great unwashed. As they protested outside their home grounds, players and managers spoke out against the league, Ed Woodward announced his resignation, and everyone who was anyone, from presidents to prime ministers, and even your Mom, got in on the act of giving the ESL a good kicking.
When Prince William and the Archbishop of Canterbury waded in (divine intervention, indeed), it seemed that the league was doomed before it ever really began.
Within 48-hours, the world and your Mom had wiped their bum with plans for the league. And now, nobody really knows what’s going down.
What have we learned from this ‘mare?
The moral of this gory story, my friends? Catching people by surprise is one tactic to overhaul the world’s most popular sport, but it’s a crap one. Never underestimate people’s lack of sympathy for billionaires looking to make a few extra quid, and don’t mess with Gary Neville, Prince William, the Archbishop of Canterbury, or your Mom.
Richard Robinson is the CEO and Founder of Robin AI
